Neglect
by padfootROX
Summary: Pellinor, takes place a short time after the war with sharma when Maerad and Cadvan are completely in love Hem finds himself having less and less time with his sister, hems POV
1. Love Doves

**Disclaimer: as much as I wish I was I am not some child genius who can write 3 (soon to be 4) big long books that are utterly, completely awesome. So sorry i do not own any part of pellinor.**

**_Short drabble (even though its not really exactly 100 words but whatever) thing that I just randomly felt like writing. (wow i cant believe I just said that, "felt like writing" I think I'm going insane) Hem's POV after the war with sharma. PLEASE REVIEW  
_**

I should have seen the signs; seen the way they looked at each other. Always sneaking off when they thought no one was looking; looking into each others eyes as if they were the only people in the world. And they just as well could be, considering how much they noticed other people. You'd never find one without the other. But no one else seemed to care; everyone just turned their backs: 'Oh they're in love'; 'Oh how cute'; 'Oh what a sweet couple'. It was like no one even noticed how perverted it was. I mean it wasn't like I was jealous or anything, it was just disgusting. He was, what, like, 50 years older than her? Oh, sure, he doesn't look a day older than 30...30?! Like that's any better! She's only 16! He's old enough to be her granddad!

I'd expected to come back after all the separation and war and we'd be laughing, brother and sis having a good time. That was how it used to be, for the brief time I'd known her before they'd left. But no, why should I think that? 'Oh naive little Hem' they'd say and, wonder why on earth I should expect to come home now that it was all over, and have my sister back. Sure in the beginning she'd noticed me, wrapped me in a tight embrace, tears of joy clinging to our faces. But even then he'd been there, standing in the shadows, always there. I'd never had a moment to talk with her alone. To talk about private things; things brothers and sisters can share, not with him around. I'm probably just some pesky little nuisance brother always getting in the way now. I doubt she'd even notice if I ran away!

What if I ran away? Would she finally be forced to see me? Would she finally be torn away from his gaze, would her thoughts be on me again, her poor, neglected brother? Maybe she'd search for me herself: ride out calling my name with tears streaming down her face, shouting apologies to the wind. Yes, that's what I'll do. I'll leave tomorrow and I'll not come back unless they find me, until she begs for forgiveness.


	2. Memories

**ok so i finally got around to writing an ending to this and thank you so much to doctor-who-mad-gal for beta reading and for you people who commented the last chapter :D **

The blood pounded in my ears as I lay waiting for the moment of my escape. Everything was perfectly planned out and I'd never see them again. Never have to look at their glances and whispers. I'd leave at 1:00 when no one would be awake and the guard changed. Ever since Sharma's defeat security has been pretty lax, so I'd have at least 5 minutes to get out. Everything was ready, hidden in the stable. I'd have a weeks worth of food if I rationed it, and by then I'm hoping to have found a Pilanel group of some sort. I know where they usually are so it shouldn't be that hard, even if most of them have been wiped out or moved north. I can pretend I'm someone else and make a new life traveling around, and I don't think I'll ever come back.  
But there was still another hour before the guard changed and there was no way I could sleep. I watched as the lights and shadows seemed to make images in the dark. But what was that one over by the lamp? It looked- it looked like Maerad, but she was crying over-  
Oh. I looked away. I knew how it'd play out. She was crying over Sylvia's body. Then Cadvan would come over and let her sob into his shoulder as she mourned.

I gasped: there was another one, it was changing into-  
Saliman, shot by an arrow, fallen to the ground and I knew he'd never get up again. I looked back to Maerad's phantom. She was standing up now, Sylvia and Cadvan had disappeared. She seemed to glare at me. Well, if shadows could glare, that's what she'd be doing. Then her voice echoed in my head. _You idiot! You coward! They died because of your stupidity! All you had to do was sing the words. Did you think you were so special that only you could to it or something? I told you I would've done it if you were afraid! You're just a_- Sweat tickled my palms as I gripped the sheets. Then my body seemed to act of its own accord as I sprinted out of the room, but the echoes still followed. I could still see the memories haunting me in my head. The hurt, the pain, the loss, it was all my fault and I knew it.

It had been a perfect, simplistic plan: release the Treesong, Sharma is defeated, end of story. But I'd failed. I can't remember what had been going through my head, but my body was stock still: frozen. They screamed at me to do something. The whole world was on my shoulders. Maerad's face- silent. Her mouth didn't move, but her eyes said it all; just looking at me with hopeless despair.  
Oh, the memories, if they'd just let me be I'd be all right. I looked around. My feet had taken me to the stable. Nayo, the young horse given to me, was fed and packed. This was it, in a matter of minutes I could be gone, leaving all the pain and memories behind, never having to wonder what people were thinking of me; never seeing them again.  
A tear rolled down my cheek, then more, and soon I was sobbing. I hadn't cried when everyone died, not for Saliman, not for Sylvia, but I cried now alone in the dark. All the anger and the hurt poured out in those tears.

"Hem?" A voice broke the silence. I looked up: it was Maerad. The phantom had come back to torment me.

"Hem are you all right?" It stroked my hand- but no, phantoms can't touch. I looked up again and saw the tired eyes of my sister, no shadow of the dark.

"Oh Hem." She smiled sadly and hugged me, hugged me like she hadn't in months.

"You're not mad at me?" I asked, the worry inside me coming out in my voice.

"Mad?"

"Y-Youdontblamemeforwhathappened?"

"What?"

"You don't blame me for what happened, do you?" This was the question I'd wanted to ask for months. I needed to know more than anything.

"Oh, Hem," she said again, holding me close once more, then whispered, "Of course I don't blame you hem, it wasn't your fault."  
_It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault._ The words rang through my head like a light driving back evil.

"So you still love me?" I asked, smiling now, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"I love you more than anyone else in the world," she said, laughing, throwing her arms around me, and this time I joined in, just sitting there in the wet stable holding on to my sister, my comforter, my hero.


End file.
